17 May Is it okay not to love a family member?
Is it okay not to love a family member?
I realize that this question could be very controversial.
But I believe that it is a question that many people in this world have asked themselves at one time or another.
My goal in addressing this sensitive question, is not to convey judgments, or opinions, rather provide some deeper insight of this question that may help guide you to the right answer.
Many of us in this world, have family members who have harmed us repeatedly over a long period of time.
Many of us in this world have family members who we simply do not get along with.
If you were on a 1st date with someone, and there was really nothing that attracted you to this person.
Let’s take out the physical attraction and just talk about the intellectual attraction, or perhaps vast differences in personalities or values. It would be unnatural to want to get to know that person on a deeper level when the shallow level tells us not to go deeper.
If we don’t think about that person with positive thoughts, or happy thoughts, or a desire to see them again based upon these differences, should our feelings be different, just because we are related to them?
What if we dated them for years or decades, and the feelings stayed the same?
I have heard many times of people who’ve been hurt in extreme ways by family members.
The person who has been offended says “but I still love him or I still love her” “even though” etc… etc etc…
In a religious context, many religions teach to love thy neighbor as we do ourselves, or more general terms to love others as we love ourselves.
What if you don’t feel the love inside you?
What if you are in a place of peace and contentment in your life, even though deep down you do not feel the love for that person.
The fact is that we live in a world where most people would not say that they love everyone they know.
Is being connected by blood, in and by itself, a reason to have an internal battle with ourselves and try do “an emotional heart transplant?” when our heart is working perfectly for us.
To make ourselves feel something that we don’t.
Does every human being on this earth deserve to be emotionally at peace and content in their lives?
Is it okay to embrace those feelings which positively contribute to keeping peace and contentment alive in our lives? We deserve it.
Is it okay to not want to go to battle when there is no battle needing to be fought?
No one has the right to stigmatize us, or make us feel guilty for making healthy emotional decisions
to keep us emotionally safe, and authentic with ourselves.
Is it okay to stay true to yourself, stay true to who you are, and to let be what is in your heart if it does not have negative feelings that drag us down, and hurt ourselves?
Is it okay not to love someone and still live in peace and contentment? Regardless of how we are connected to that person.
Peace and contentment are an inside job. There are no laws, nor does anyone have the right to make us feel guilty for the effort that we make to live a life of peace and contentment and well-being.
Nor does anyone have the right, to demand or insist that we try to alter our feelings because of a need that society teaches us how we ‘should feel”
A religious weekend for engaged couples I attended stated that to love a person is a decision we make.
If that’s true, how to we love someone that we don’t.
People take drugs both prescription and otherwise to change their moods with end goal is to feel happy and healthy.
Feeling happy and healthy is what we need and deserve.
If it’s not broken, why fix it?
Is something broken just because society says we are “supposed to” feel something we don’t.
The law of cause and effect can’t be changed.
When our heart feels a certain way as an effect because of a connection with someone, is it wrong to not try to fix our feelings when those feelings represent our deepest truth, and we are okay with it.
I welcome your comments, whatever they are.
Your comments are needed. Your feedback is needed.
This is a topic rarely put out there. The more interaction we have on this, the more others can digest, and use as a guide to understand their feelings.
Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment of any length on whatever site you are reading this if you are able to do so.