16 Jan The 5 Reasons Why People Don’t Forgive (there’s only five)
- It’s easier to blame others for our feelings. It’s not easy to own responsibility for our feelings when we have been terribly wronged. It’s equally hard to “accept” that we have no control over the actions of others
- What we perceive about others hurtful actions is not always reality. The truth is that those who treat us unfairly are often the others persons “acting out” their own hurt. That’s why the saying “misery loves company” is such a true statement. People who are content and happy in their own lives, as a general rule, treat others as they are. The same holds true with those who hold anger and hate in their lives. How much we allow ourselves to be affected is up to us, not them.
- We allow our ego to take over decision making when our egos are bruised. Our ego’s are the single biggest wall we have to climb over to achieve true emotional freedom. Ego’s are a part of us, but can do a lot more harm than good, if we allow it! Our egos have to be managed, or else it can cause unnecessary chaos in our lives.
- We buy into untrue “myths” about forgiving.
- You have to forget in order to forgive. (False)
- We don’t forgive because we did nothing wrong. (False). It doesn’t matter if the harm against us was the result of “valid accusations or not”. How we respond, how we react is the same. The other person may not accept our forgiveness, and we do not want to hurt all over again (the feelings are real, but the math is wrong). It takes two to hurt, but only one to forgive. The other person may or may not accept our forgiveness, but it’s important to understand, we are not asking for “permission to forgive”. Forgiving requires no permissions, only action!
- We don’t forgive ourselves. When it comes to forgiving myself, how can I when I really messed up, and hurt others as a result of my actions? It cannot be erased, right? True – you cannot erase the past HOWEVER the past does not define you! It’s going forward that does. There is no one on the face of the planet who has not regretted something he or she did to others. We can only learn from it, but regret is not a life sentence!! It’s to learn from…and move on.